Been through all the drama and tears, finally i made a decision. I want to marry him. no one all ever wanted but him. he's a lover, he's a keeper, he's a listener, he's everything for me. can't imagine days without him.
I've been flew around without him, that hurt him the most. I realized, when i lose him i am nothing but myself careless. Thank God everything is going well. He fixed me up even I broke his heart so many times. I know, everything is not gonna be the same, but this is my choice, the path that I take so I already know the consequences. I don't wanna lose him even if it's just a second. I love this guy, I really love this guy.
I don't wanna see he cry anymore. That was the very first time in 7 years and it was 'hit' me really hard. Feels like I fell from the highest building, i feel like dying when I see he cried. seriously, I don't wanna feel that anymore. I swear to God, no more days like that.
About he asked me to choose him to marry me, i feel like I don't deserve him. I was really bad, bad, bad person that hurt him the most. I tell myself "do i deserve this?" if I say I do i feel like embarrassed to him and myself. I can't even look at his face when he ask to see his face. I feel like I just want to disappear and swallowed by the earth. I don't have any clean slate in his eyes, that's what i regret. but everything does happen. i don't want to feel that scary moment anymore. never again.
I love him, i love him he's the one i need.